For those of you who follow these things, there is an email list called IPKat that has a lot of cutesy pictures of kittens on it and really bad puns mixed in with decent coverage of international IP issues.

True to form, however, they follow Weejun Justice when it comes to music and completely miss the point in their zeal to curl up nice and kozy with their (apparent) fellow travelers at the EFF.

The latest misguided gibberish comes in the headline “Every Time A Phone Rings, ASCAP Won’t Get Its Wings”. Oh, really. Well, kitty cat, do you know what’s wrong with that sentence, hmmm, wanna guess? Neither will songwriters. ASCAP is songwriters.

The piece starts out with this sentence: “When someone calls the AmeriKat, Led Zeppelin’s Misty Mountain Hop blasts out (much to the annoyance [of] those around her) on her cellphone. If you are like the AmeriKat and have an attention-seeking ringtone on your phone, the American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers (ASCAP) wants you to pay a royalty every time your phone rings. The AmeriKat joins Fred von Lohmann, a copyright lawyer with the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF, an amicus curae in the case) in welcoming Judge Cote’s decision.”

“AmeriKat” is the cutesy nom de plume that some recent law school graduate with 3 names has given herself. Aside from the creepyness of being around a three namer who seems to enjoy refering to themselves in the 3rd person, I have to wonder what it would cost to get a yuppie to not listen to music. There must be a market clearing price to get people to just leave you alone, right? Isn’t that the point of paying protection?

Or maybe we could get a special ringtone for people who profess to be music fans but who actually have it in for songwriters? There could be a little recording before the ringtone starts that says–on 11–“EVEN THOUGH THIS PERSON LOOKS LIKE SHE’S A FAN AND IS TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK SHE’S COOL BY ASSOCIATING HERSELF WITH OUR SONG, SHE’S ACTUALLY GOT IT IN FOR US AND WOULD LIKE US ALL TO STARVE AND MOCKS US IN AN INTERNET NEWSLETTER”. And wants to dance on our graves.

Now that would be “an attention-seeking ringtone” for those trying to attract a crowd.

Maybe not.